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<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Day 10<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
She could see how tense and worried I was as we sat down to breakfast.<\/p>\n
\u201cSomeone slipped,\u201d she said right away, her tone teasing.<\/p>\n
\u201cI stopped myself!\u201d I protested petulantly.<\/p>\n
This was met with icy silence. Her beautiful face became the picture of disdain. \u201cYou are quite the special little boy, aren\u2019t you?\u201d she chided sarcastically. \u201cI offered you any reward you want\u2026 Any. Reward.\u201d On these last two words she leaned over to bring her body within inches of mine, so as to underscore the generosity of her terms. \u201cNow you expect to set the rules too. How wonderful to be you.\u201d<\/p>\n
I lowered my eyes, chastened. \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u2026\u201d I began. \u201cWhat I meant was please\u2026 please don\u2019t say I\u2019ve failed. Or if I have, please\u2026 Please,\u201d I clasped my hands in front of my chest in a gesture of supplication, \u201cgive me another task. Let me have another chance, even if it is for a lesser reward.\u201d<\/p>\n
At this the sunshine returned to her face. Smiling, she said, \u201cThat\u2019s better, pet. If you hadn\u2019t interrupted me, I would have told you that I forgive you your moment of weakness. You did, as you say, stop yourself. If you can maintain control until Wednesday our agreement will still hold.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tension I had not even been aware of drained from my entire body. \u201cThank you\u2026 thank you!\u201d I said with undisguised joy and relief.<\/p>\n
We ate silently for a few moments, until I hesitantly asked, \u201cThat man\u2026 was he a client?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo\u2026 a friend. He is a professor of literature at a local university. I met him in a park some years ago,\u201d Goddess Marquesa replied.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you make him want that? Want what you did to him?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t plant the suggestion in his mind with hypnosis, if that\u2019s what you mean,\u201d she replied. \u201cBut would he want anyone but me to treat him that way? Probably not. I have a way of inspiring unique desires in the people I meet.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you\u2026\u201d I paused, knowing that I was about to pry, \u201care you a sadist?\u201d<\/p>\n
A look of irritation overtook her lovely features. \u201cYou disappoint me, pet,\u201d she said. \u201cIn all this quality time we have shared, have you learned nothing about me? No petty labels apply to me. I am the Goddess Marquesa. I am sui generis.\u201d<\/p>\n
This silenced me again. I fidgeted uncomfortably, trying to think of something else to say.<\/p>\n
\u201cTell me,\u201d Goddess Marquesa began, rescuing me from my awkward self-struggle, \u201cwhy did you begin to stroke yourself? Did you enjoy seeing the professor being beaten?\u201d<\/p>\n
This startled me. I hadn\u2019t really thought about my reaction, it had never occurred to me to ask myself why I had become so turned on.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo!\u201d I protested. \u201cI don\u2019t want to see anyone suffer\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy then?\u201d she asked, letting the question hang in the air between us expectantly.<\/p>\n
I lowered my head in thought. After a few moments, an answer began to form. I opened my mouth to speak, voicing the words even as the realization emerged: \u201cI\u2026 I\u2026 wanted to be that man. I wished that I could trade places with him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd if I struck you across the face right now,\u201d Goddess Marquesa asked, \u201cwould you want me any less?\u201d<\/p>\n
I looked deeply into her green eyes, my own wide with shock and anticipation. My pulse raced, my cheeks flushed hot red. Part of me cringed, fearing pain. Part of me yearned silently, thinking, \u201cPlease do it\u2026 please do it\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
After a few panicked moments passed and no blow came, I surmised that the question must have been rhetorical. \u201cNo,\u201d I answered, composing myself. \u201cI would want you even more\u2026 What does that make me?\u201d<\/p>\n
Goddess Marquesa laughed. \u201cIt makes you my pet,\u201d she trilled. \u201cDon\u2019t be such a patsy, sweet boy. Forget about what society calls \u2018normal.\u2019 You\u2019ll live a much fuller life if you do.\u201d<\/p>\n
Just like yesterday, the loneliness when she left after breakfast was brutal. The day crept by, it took all of my willpower not to stroke myself for some relief. I checked the channel constantly on the TV, but she did not broadcast for me today. I can\u2019t tell if she meant that as mercy or torture. I miss her desperately. Lights out will be in a few minutes. Perhaps if I can fall asleep, I will see her in my dreams.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Day 11<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I love Goddess Marquesa. The realization dawned on me as I woke up this morning. I would like to say that I have loved her all along, but looking back on this journal I can see that is not so. How can I have been such a stupid asshole ten days ago? How can I have been so blind? Reading what I wrote about her, I can\u2019t believe my own insanity.<\/p>\n
\u201cI love you.\u201d These were my first words to her as we sat down to breakfast.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s sweet pet,\u201d she said casually, without looking up from the piece of toast that she was buttering.<\/p>\n
\u201cI love you,\u201d I repeated. \u201cI love your strength, and your wisdom. Your beauty, of course.\u00a0 I love that you are free, that you live on your own terms. I am willing to bet that if you gave me my memories back right now, there would be no one in my life that I have loved as passionately as I love you.\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked at me with a gentle expression in her gorgeous green eyes. \u201cI meant what I said, pet. That really is very sweet.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAren\u2019t you pleased?\u201d I asked, not knowing what I had expected, but fishing for a more enthusiastic reaction.<\/p>\n
\u201cOf course I\u2019m pleased,\u201d she replied. \u201cMen and women fall in love with me this way every day, and it always pleases me.\u201d<\/p>\n
This made sense, but it deflated me nevertheless. I looked down at my plate, crestfallen. \u201cI thought this was what you wanted\u2026\u201d I mumbled.<\/p>\n
Goddess Marquesa reached over and placed her hand on my thigh, sending a thrill through my whole body. \u201cDon\u2019t be sad, pet,\u201d she soothed. \u201cRemember, I am not acting on my own, but at someone else\u2019s direction. If I had simply wanted you to fall in love with me, do you think that I would need to resort to such elaborate methods?\u201d<\/p>\n
I of course knew the answer was no, and shook my head to signal so. But I was too emotional to speak. Tears leaked from my eyes. Goddess Marquesa stroked my thigh gently. \u201cAhh baby,\u201d she said as if soothing an infant.<\/p>\n
\u201cCould you ever love me?\u201d I asked when I regained some composure. \u201cAre you already in love with someone?\u201d<\/p>\n
She laughed. \u201cYou keep trying to put me in some vanilla box. How do you know I don\u2019t love you already? I love lots of people. The professor you saw me beat yesterday\u2026 I love him, in my own way.\u201d<\/p>\n
With this she got up from the table and collected the breakfast tray. \u201cYou\u2019ve been fighting this experience since it began,\u201d she said, her tone conveying sympathy. \u201cStop resisting. Accept that you don\u2019t have control. You say you love me\u2026 wonderful. You\u2019re worried about what it means for me, but have you really asked what it means for you? You would have to be stupid to believe that loving me is a simple proposition, and you are not stupid. Give it some thought. What else, after all, have you got to do?\u201d<\/p>\n
She left on that note, and I\u2019ve been in torment ever since, torn between love, longing, need and shame.<\/p>\n
Love of her- everything about her, everything she is and does.<\/p>\n
Longing for her. For her body. Her voice. Her spirit.<\/p>\n
Need of her. Deep, carnal, animal need. To touch her. Taste her. Smell her. Be entwined in her.<\/p>\n
Shame\u2026 shame that it took me so long to see the truth. That I ever thought a bad word about her. That I sinned against her.<\/p>\n
I have been ruminating all day on what she said, and fighting to maintain my self control. It would be so blissful to give in, I feel like I would need to orgasm ten times to release the sexual tension coiled inside of me. Even one orgasm, at times, seems worth having, just to snatch a few seconds of ecstatic respite from the thoughts and feelings roiling my soul. Only the idea of my reward keeps me from capitulating.<\/p>\n
I tuned in to the living room-cam station repeatedly in hopes of catching a glimpse of her, but it has been blank all day. It is probably for the best, I doubt I could have controlled myself if I saw her. I have made it to the end of the day. If I can sleep through the night there will be only one more day to endure to receive my reward.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Day 10 She could see how tense and worried I was as we sat down to breakfast. \u201cSomeone slipped,\u201d she said right away, her tone teasing. \u201cI stopped myself!\u201d I protested petulantly. This was met with icy silence. Her beautiful face became the picture of disdain. \u201cYou are quite the special little boy, aren\u2019t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":69,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8,4],"tags":[941,350,921,932,944,561,39,940,942,943],"class_list":["post-3614","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-inspired-by-goddess-marquesa","category-stories","tag-admission","tag-confession","tag-confusion","tag-failure","tag-loneliness","tag-love","tag-marquesa","tag-realization","tag-redemption","tag-unbridled-joy"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2FCuA-Wi","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hypno-erotica.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3614","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hypno-erotica.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hypno-erotica.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hypno-erotica.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/69"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hypno-erotica.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3614"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/hypno-erotica.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3614\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3617,"href":"https:\/\/hypno-erotica.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3614\/revisions\/3617"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hypno-erotica.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3614"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hypno-erotica.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3614"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hypno-erotica.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3614"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}