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AUTHOR’S NOTE:
This story is dedicated to the vivacious and virtuous and voluptuous LADY KRYSTAL MESMER.  It should not be read by any minor.  It should not be read by anyone who is ethically, legally, morally, religiously, or personally {for any reason(s)} prohibited or proscribed from doing so.  It should not be read by anyone who is fearful of, or uncomfortable with, the subject of feminine influence/control/domination/superiority/supremacy/inspiration or the topic of mind control in any of its forms or both.

THANK YOU to Junoesque radio sports talk show host Amy Lawrence.  Your recounting your Sadie Hawkins day experiences was the impetus for this tantalizing tale.

Everyone in these parts knows about that Sadie Hawkins gal.  And it ain’t just because this is a small town stuck out in the middle of yuh never hurd uh no places ’round heeyarr.  I reckon Sadie Hawkins wood’uh been not possible to forget no matter whereabouts she was a livin.  For whatever curse’ed reason the Hawkins hant and a grossed uh hanfulls grews up here.

May the Lordie above halves murcees on ust alls forgive me, but I swears by all that’s ever a been sanctified Sadie Hawkins was juss plains different as far back as any folks can recollect.  If she’d just settled down for bee’in like all the rest of the girls, everythin would have turned out so much simpler for everybody.  But that Sadie seemed to never do anything yuh knew she ought to do.  Oh, she played with all the other girls alright.  And she did learn how to cook and sew, clean up and wash tings, mend things and keep a good house like a proper woman should.  And anyone’s who’s viewing huh honestly would have to declare the Hawkins’s only daughter was the bestest at all them female duties than anybody else that ever was born

But Sadie Hawkins didn’t stop with learnin and doo’in what she should have kept herself busied with.  She took to hunting, fishing, trapping, breaking horses, building things, and any other man’s common work she set huh mulish heart on finishing.  Even all that wouldn’t a been such a bothersome, except for one horsefly in the fresh churned butter.  Why did that Sadie Hawkins pestilence from the Devil’s home have to be so gall dangged better than me and every other man at all them men’s things she went about to completing whenever she wanted to?

Once that Sadie was all growed up, she shoh nuff didn’t looks like any of the uhthuh ladies hereabouts.  She was lots taller and shuh as deep well waters is wet and chilly she was a couple of smidgens bigger than any woman I ever laid eyes on.  Sadie Hawkins certainly looked uncommon stronger than all the rest of the grown up females.  I’m not say’in she always went about look’in all mannish or likes that.  If she cided tuh fix huh-selves up a mite, then she turned out a lots mo fetch’in than yuh mights expected.  When she let huh hair hang down, it ended up come’in nearly to huh ankles.  The sort uh red with a touches of golden brown color of all that thick hair was more than a mite purrty.  And if you looked enough in those eyes a huhs, you had to see how downrights pretty huh eyes was.  But there wuz sump’un specials bout huh eyes.  Seemd like whenevers Sadie yearned to gets huh points uh viewen acrosst, it was likes them eyes she was uh possess’in cud goez uh reechin into yo head and hold yo minds in a vice two strongs tuh excapes fum.  Dem eyes holted ontuh yuh innurds til yuh understoods huh mean’in ors yuh went on and did whats she wanted yall tuh complish.  It was like she could witch yuh wid dem big ol’ huge eyes set wide part in huh face.  And she hads the longest eyeslashes that ever was seen flutterin on any woman’s eyelids.

I heard tell when Sadie was feelin a little devilment insides huh she once upon a while would wink one eye at you and then tuh’ther one.  She tried to spell me that way one times at leesed.  A time or two when my mentalities was a wanderin or while i twas a dreamin, I magin’ed I seen huh eyes winking one by one at me.  When i recollect them eyes in my dreamings, it still gives me the willies up and down my spine.  I dunt a reckon whys it uh happens, but in the marnin after one of those dreamin of Sadie’s evil eyes winkin at me, I half to gets myself a bath and cleanz muhself ups before I cun goes out and does any uh muh chores.

Mo thans once uh twices I ohvuh-heards some of the womens folks while they went on a cacklin.  And I listened tuh a few jealousies they alls felt bout how Sadie Hawkins could true nuff turn mo than a head or two round an round when she gots the notions in huhs to fassenates a mans.

And it tweren’t just workin so well and fearsome with those gigantic hands she had and all the rest uh huh odnesses that made huh pow’uh’full different as the first days uh summuh be longer thans all the uhthers is.  She went and got herself more book learnin than anybody I ever knowed.  Books was always arrivin at the post office for Sadie Hawkins.  And a lots of em come all the ways cross the ocean fo huh.  And sum dem primmers was not even written down in English neither.  No, I never went about opening up huh mail and parcels.  I was too fraids of Sadie Hawkins to try shinanigans like those.  My best friend ran the store and was our postman too.  Sadie could started huh own book lending lieberry, if she evers elected tuh.

I knows she never ventured outside these parts.  Yet, somehow, when she was of a mind to, she could talk yo ears off and twist yuh brain in knots by a speeching all big city’fide mo thans any politician in Washington D.C.

I cunfesses, we might even have learnt to lives in piecefullnesses with Sadie Hawkins and all huh uncommon and sometimes yuh manhood humiliatin ways.  But huh uh cavortin and congrugaytin with all the Indians was just too much to bear.  And she wasn’t just spending time with those savages.  Word was maybe she was teachin them things and mayhaps she went and gave them injuns firewater too.  And that a weren’t the worsest of all she went and dun.  Some people’s swore up and down to highest heavenlies she was a also learnin about their secretly and outrites sinful ways.  Talk was Sadie was the bosom [and she had a healthy heap of bosoms too] companion of the medicine men them heathens relied upon.

All I know is, if man or beast got really sick and the doc couldn’t help yuh, if yuhs carryed yuhselves to Sadie.  I don’t know what she did or how she got er dun, but when all the doctor could do was shake his head and pat yuh on the back and say he would be uh prayin for yalls, more often as not and many more times than people were comforted with admitting, Sadie Hawkins could pull yuh back to frequently bee’in mo healthiness than yuh wuz befo yuhs dun gots yall self injured or sickly or feel’in poorlees.

I supposes that’s what really set the sparks to kindlin all the fiercest commotions about Sadie Hawkins.  Our doctor Hippocrates Zebulon Matther was the one who really hated Sadie with a vengeance.  Yes, Sadie Hawkins was uncommon peculyor strangely.  But everybody knowed that about huh.  Truth to tell though, she never did set out to on purpose do anythin spiteful or harmful to anybodies.  If you never dun no kinds uh mischief to huhs, she woods never set herself to meddlin wid yuh neetherwise.  And unlessen yuh seeked huh out and axed huhs fuh helpin yall, I ain’t never heard tell of Sadie Hawkins forcin huh cures or potions or whatever it was she brewed up on any folks.  Fact t’iz, she would always ask peoples that called on huh to go to the doc and only calls upons huh after he sayed he couldn’t helps them any more.  Least wise, that’s what those that wents to huh told folkses she sade tuh umz.

But it was Doc Matther who sturred up the hornets nest about Sadie.  I didn’t pay him much no never mind when he was a questionin all sneekeyers like anybody who’d ever ventured to Sadie’s fuh any of huh cures.  Then aftuh in’terror’gatin those that woods talk to him he’s the one who went round whisperin and putt’in the bugs in folks ears bout Sadie beein not rites uh uh dangeruss tuh thee cummunitee.  He came right out and declared it were his conclusion as a learnit medical practicer an bases on whut he noed fum his famus preechin ancesstuhs Sadie Hawkins was really a witch woman and the slave and whore of Lucifer his own evil and wickedness self.

So that’s why we’re gone and have’n this court trial.  A circuit ride’n judge was found to run this proceed’ins.  Everybody who cud squeeze themselves insides was in the biggest build’in in town we sets up for a law courtroom.  And everybody who cuddint get in is gone and gots themself stand’in outside and tri’in to peek in one of the windows.

I guess I oughta spected somethin certainly suhprizin from Sadie Hawkins.  When she slowly took them long steps of hers into the courthouse and went on to her seat, she was a looking more womanified than anyones had ever seen.  Huh hair wuz hang’in all thuh wayz downwords wid a some a sparkly theengee holdun a lotz uh its toogathers.  But when I studied her clow’suhh I was perplexed.  If she was minded to show folkses she was all womanly, why did she go and wear huh regular boots with the spurs too?  I must says I nevvuhh seen any spurs that was so shining and a sparkly.  And the designs on them was all curly cued and a curvy and twistin like a snake wrapped round a springy thingamabob.  After she sat down, everytimes she stretched out one or both huh legs uh moved eathuh one or them two feets a huh’z any, the light bouncin off them pretty spurs got all dazzlin yuh eyes.  Twas like you was in some queenliness’s dressin chambers and suddenly saw all huh jewelries a shining out at yous all at once.

I don’t recalls seein Sadie in that dress befo tuhday.  The dress was as plain as any dress a woman from hear’bouts wore.  But them buttons was somethin specials.  They went down the front and there wuz some on each uh Sadie’s sleeves.  Twuz a fews uh dem tached tuh uhther places on huh dress.  Thing wuz, each of them buttons looked powerful different from all them uhthurs.  And every last one was kinda glittery when they was moved bout.

There weren’t no lawyer felluhs in these parts at talls.  So Doc Matther and Sadie Hawkins had to go and speaks for their own selves.  The judge let the doctor go fust.

Since I were a little boy, everbody always talkin bout how nice and big and readable my handwrittin was.  That’s how I gots me a seat.  I was picked to writes down each thing anyones declared duhhin these trial of Doctor Hippocrates Zebulon Matther gainst Satan’s Witch Woman Whorishness Sadie Hawkins.  I had no stomach fo puttin down on papers any statements like thats bout Sadie.  But they told me if I didn’t duns its, I’d a been in contemptuous of the court–or some such criminal doo’ins like that.

Doc Matther spoke up and cused Sadie of all he could come up with–cept the blight we suffered through six years back.  He showed off some affeedavids from folks Sadie had gone and cured.  Aftuh he reads about what Sadie did, he went and testified how nothin she come up wid twuz dun by any doctors he hurd tell of.  Lastly, he calls up a couple of people who told bout them roomers of Sadie Hawkins consortin with unnatural spirits.  Thay saids that wuz how cuz she could makes folks well when Doctor Matther couldn’t helps them nun.

All the while the doc was presetin his evdence, Sadie wuz a twistin this button and then that ones.  When she moved any of huh feets, them sparkly spurs went a glissenin in me eyes.  Mo thans twices Sadies wint ons a figitin wid huh long, pretty hairs.  And when huh long finguhs wuz a twittlin wid them buttons uh thats sparklure in huh hair, my eyes was a fascinated on them.  Yuh knows how a birdie gets all uh scary when it see the eyes of a cat or a suhpent sos the bird caint flies no hows?  Thats like how it twuz fo me.  My body kinduh sorta got tuh feelin like sleepiness was uh droppin downwurds on mees somethin powerfull while Sadie Hawkins went on messin wid huh buttons or huh hair or she twur a jigglin huh spurs.  When I could pull my eyes away and watches someones elses, evvuhbodies looks like they wuz a drowsy’in off just like I couldn’t helps myself from laxin as I listened to the doctor and watched Sadie’s each movements.  Much as she was a meddlin wid dem buttons youed a thunk leased one uh two woulds huh gone and comes off.  But I dids not sees any uh dem shiny and uh glissurin buttons comes a loose atalls.

Durin dee testhuhfiens I sortuh smelt sumpthun dat twas uh pleesin mee nostrills quites nicely.  I did´int noes whuh dat aromus wuz a cummin fum.  But shuh nuff it mades dis leegull tings mo burrable fo mees anyhows.

The judge halted the testify’ins after Doc Matther was dun sos we could gets some vittles and fresh uhselves.  When the town bells rang, we all come back to hear Sadie’s speechin.

Sadie brawt ups sum uh thoes folkses she’d helped somes in the past.  As she questioned um, thay dish cribed what she dun and how she doed it alls.  Thay told how Sadie awlwuzz maids um goes to Doc Matther fust fo comin to huh fo sistence.  Even our pastuh spokes up for Sadie’s.  He tolled how she were ones uh de finist chuhchgoiin people he evuh knowed.  He even sayed how Sadie Hawkins helpsaid out his yungist yung’un last winters when he gone an tracted the coffen and dee feverishness sometin turrible badlies.

Sadie Hawkins suhtinlies sho acted diffently when she twas duffendin huhselves.  Shees didn’t doos nun uh dat a toyin wid any uh huh buttins uh huh hairs all the wiles shee wuz diffenden huh own self.  Wenevuhs shee twuz askin anyones anythen, shees wint on an set huh eyes towally on the puhsons shee was a speakins to.  Whens Sadie Hawkins wuz sayin anythins to de judge or the juriesmen, shees lookses at um likes thay wore nots anyboaty elsens in de hole worls.  As shee stared huh eyebalszez ats anyones, yuh cud nots helps fum settin yo tenshuns ons whutsoevers twuz Sadie were a fuhhcussed huhself on.  Shees even wentz an crossexaminated sum uh Doc Matthersus testifiers.  Day hads no wantin to admissions tuh its, butz dat Sadie Hawkins gots dem alls to swares nun ud dem hads nevvuh spyed Sadie Hawkins a dooin anythinz the Good Book sayed she shood notz uh dun dids.

Aftuh thats all wuz dun, the doc and Sadie Hawkins gots tuh makes thay finals speechins.  I duntz recalls what Doc Matther tolled.  But I recollect bout whut Sadie sayed.  In huh speechin shee let outs sum forinner werdz I cud notz compreehenshuns.  I thinks Doc Matther knowed whut she wuz a speechin.  The look he showed werent so shurefide as he wuz fo now.  And all de times Sadie Hawkins wuz finishin up huh sides, shees uh gazed huh eyes at de jury peoples and de judge mo powuhful thanz I thoughts a humans cuds manage.

Now it twas quites later, sos de judges sents folkses homes fuh de nighttimes.  Hees had a minds tuh seequesterin de juror folkses.  Butz twurnt no places neers heer dat wuz large nuff oh cuds ben mades privatelikes nuff.  Sos he tolled um alls nots tuh deescusses nutthun bout dees go’in-ons wid nobodies no hows.

Aftuh mornin cum, we wuz all returned.  Dee jury did days deelibburraytons fo a spells.  Aftuh days cum backs in, dee judge axed um iffun dayed reechis any verdic?  Day leedur feller up an sayed “Yes, yo honorables.”  Den dee judge tells um to reveel whuts day hads concludid?  Den dat jurors leeder got tuh standin ups an hee sayed, “Wees finds dee deefendent, Sadie Hawkins, not guilties.”
Doc Matther hungs hees hayed, uh stoods uprites, an uh slunk owd dee cortsroom.  Fuh she up an left, dat Sadie Hawkins wint tuh smylun ats evvay ones.

Few days aftuhs dee trial, Sadie Hawkins ups and cums tuh see me.  Aftuhs she cum in an sets huhself downs, she started a tellin me she hads cided upons sumpthun importence likes.  I axed huh whuts it wuz.  Den Sadie tolled me she figurd it twuz high passed times fo huh tuh beecums my wifes.

Now I ain’t nevvuh hads nuhthun gainst Sadie Hawkins fo any reezunables.  Buts I hadint dun sayed not one things tuh nobodies bout gettin muhself uh marrhyin tuh any womans.  Truth tell, Sadie Hawkins had uhfritened mee fuh sense we wuz chillens.

I tryeds tuh says sumpthun tuh changes huh mined bout gettin hitchin huhself tuh me.  But alls I cud manage uh dooin wuz a stammerin an uh stutterin pow’wuh’full fiercesomes.

An den she gone an winked eech uh huh eyeballs ats me.  I ruhmemmurd dem dreemins I hads bout huh witchin eyes an whut cums aftuh dem kinduh dreemees.  Beefo I cuds uh stopped its, I wents tuh shiverin outs uh muh cuntrollin it ins muh bodies.

Win she saws whut I duns, dat Sadie Hawkins beegun uh smylun all she devilishnesses at mee.  Twuz likes shee now noed sumpthun truly wickidnesses bout mees.  “During my trial, I realized you have always kept an open mind about me.  I adore that In my bridegroom and lifelong husband and passionate lover.  I see clear as the finest crystal goblet that your very strong and quite handsome body reveals how much you have already and will always desire me more so and more often.”  Den she wint un laftered a littul an maken dis soundin likes dee queens uh dee pussy cats purrin all uh cumfuhbulls an a satisfyed.

I tempted tuh tellin huh I whurint reddy fuh marrigin no wuhmuns.  Sadie Hawkins wuz sportin dis chain wid sumpthun a sparklier swinghun frums it.  Aftuhs my objectuhfyin to marryin rites nows, shee started uh moovun dat shynun ting an uh speechin tuh me.  Fo Ize cud stops huh, huh hanses wid dat sparklur wuz uh mooven neres muh face.  I den gots a wiff uh sumpthun I sortuh recollected.  Twuz likes whut I uh sented in dee cortsroom.  Bys tuh times shee wuz finishun tockun an whut elsus shee tendid tuh dooin tuh mees, I noed havin Sadie Hawkins becums dee mistress uh muh home alung wid huhs twuz dee smartest knowshun I’d hads in all my born days.

* * *

One days wiles purruzing Sadie’s books, I cums acrosst one discussun sumpthun called mesmism.  As I reds it, dis seemid likes dee sorts uh witchin an spellcastin Sadie wuz uh charmin folkses wid all dees years.  Nex times I seen huh at our householdins, I cunfrontid huhs bout dis mesmism witcheries uh huhs.
 

She suhprized mees likes nun times befo.  She sits beesides me an startid cunfessun whut I wuz suppozun wuz all truth.  Wiles she up an telled me bout huh charmin folks, she takes muh hands an goes tuh rubbin dem on huh longust wumunly legs I sees in a lifestime.  As she spelt outs how she dun whut she hads ben dooin fo so longs, sometimes she wuz a scratchin muh heads wid huh finguhnails.  She evens uh tickled and muhssawjed muh chest.  Huh voices cud makes yuh feelins alls wonuhful an uh wuzier ats dee sames time.

Nex ting I members wuz Sadie Hawkins snappun huh reely long finguhs ats me.  Aftuhs I wokes up, she axed me a questchun.

“What is mesmerism?”

I ain’t evhuh hurd tell uh nothin likes dat.  “I dunts noes, Sadie.”

Sadie Hawkins winked huh eyes ats me.  Den she holt ups sumpthun a sparklin an axed mees.  “Do you think this sparkly jewelry is pretty eye catching your fascinations with me shall always grow stronger. …”
THE END.

Prologue:  If it makes you a bit more secure, you can keep on believing the concepts of Sadie Hawkins dance and Sadie Hawkins day only arise from an undesirable, fictional character in the ‘Li’l Abner’ comic strip dreamed up by Al Capp.  If it un makes yall feels bettuh an mo manlies, den settles yuhself downwises an relaxes yo own selves an enjoys dat fantuhsizins.