The Vicar

I was delighted to get a call from my brother. Well to be accurate he is my non-identical twin. When we were growing up together we were inseparable. As teenagers we began to grow apart somewhat. He was stockier than me and excelled at Rugby, while I preferred Football, or what our American friends would call Soccer. We were both a bit too old to play, but usually we would spend the weekends in front of the TV watching our respective sports. It was summer now. The football and rugby union season were over for another year. We would usually meet up in the summer, and regress back to our student days when we used to drink vast quantities of booze and smoke an unhealthy number of cigarettes. Read more…

Beauty Sleep

SILKY SATIN SEX -THERAPY (AKA VENUSIA’S SECRETS)

Go to a sex therapist! That’s what my very on or off girlfriend Serena said I should do to make her more on than off.

Everything was fine until problems at work and other nagging worries a few weeks ago joined with Serena’s sudden, unexplained absences. Now my “Love wand” appeared to be waning. This had happened in the dim and distant past. Things would start fine, then ZZZZZZZAP!!! off went the power and on came the stress and “Deflation”. And even when it worked better it would peak way too early. The more I thought about it the worse it got. According to my doctor, everything was supposed to be ok physically though. Read more…

Trojan Trance

He couldn’t believe it. He did not know what was wrong. His virtually brand spanking new, state of the art {fully loaded with all the latest bells and whistles}, high-end computer system’s processor and hard drive were frustratingly slower than an elderly half-dead slug crawling sideways through molasses, superglue, and hardening cement. The CD tray kept opening and closing on its own. All these and other intermittently tormenting nagging nuisances had bedeviled him since he’d followed her suggestion. His very mysterious, bewitching new lady neighbour had told him to link to a site known as “soothing slumbers” when he said he suffered from insomnia. The only reason he’d told her about his sleeping problem was because he hoped that opening up a little would help him get in good with this charming woman he wanted so much. The know-it-all part of his conscience mercilessly chided him unstoppably. “That’s what you get for taking a woman’s advice just because you want to get in good with her. Next time, don’t let your sex drive do your brain’s job.” Read more…

TRICK, TREAT AND SILKEN SLEEP

He hated this time of year when the trick or treaters called. He just could not cope with their misplaced joy. When he was married he used to hand over cash–but no longer. He usually ignored the knock at the door.

When it came this night he was especially fractious. “Go away, just go away!” he shouted. When the street fell silent he thought he was clear of this trick or treat nuisance. Then he heard a noise at the rear of his house, where he had left the door open. Read more…

THE CARE WORKER

He had been a care worker for 20 years, ever since he left school. The pay was not much, but he loved the work. Most of the old ladies he looked after in the home he worked adored him, and thought of him as “a lovely young man.” Then things changed. A new government won an election and took office. He could still remember the new speaking in the elections “For too long we have kept our old folk locked away in large, institutionalised homes. If we win the election we will do everything we can to keep them in the community. We phase out grants to residential homes for the elderly and instead spend the money on providing domiciliary care for old people in their homes.” For once the new government kept its promises. Without a year his home had closed down and he was looking for work. Read more…

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